Ramblings

Hi. It's been a while. Let's catch up.

I feel like I've been falling into this routine every day. Wake up, write in my planner, go to class, study, go to meetings, eat, sleep. There's nothing really special about each day and time seems to fly by. I hate that feeling of just going through the ebb and flow of daily life and so to remedy that, I've been trying to do something meaningful each day. I've been waking up and setting daily intentions and carrying them out throughout my day and it's been wondrous. 

February was a big month for me. I grew more in the past month than I had my entire first semester in college. This month, I began to find myself. I used to never get it when people took time off to 'find' themselves. What does that even mean? Where do they have to look? Were they lost? 

It's so difficult to let go of things. It's human nature to hold onto things that we've grown accustomed to, and we become a creatures of habit that we often times don't notice when something no longer serves us. In fact, we're so easily captivated by the comfort of routines that relationships can grow toxic for an extended period of time before they come to our attention. I got out of a toxic relationship this past month, and while I know in my heart that I did what was good for me, it was something that I had grown accustomed to for a very important (and long) period of my life and the lack of having a person there just made me hurt. I had been in that relationship for so long that I emerged without having a sense of who I was as an individual and that was when I realized that I did have to find myself. 

What does finding myself mean for me? It meant finally meeting the people who lived in my building, picking up books that caught my attention, and buying the French tulips for myself from the cute flower stand. I wrote down a list of places I wanted to travel to, foods I wanted to try, and jotted down my rambling thoughts. I hadn't really spent a weekend by myself in a really long time that it just felt so good to be alone. 

Even so, I don't think I'll ever truly find myself. And I don't think I ever will. After all, part of life's journey is to find yourself, isn't it? The difference now is that I'm finally embracing the journey of finding myself and the things that bring me joy a little bit more each day. I'm beginning to find myself. 


Until next time,
Joanna